What A Relief: Max Hall Doesn’t Hate Me Anymore
Max Hall. He hates you. No, he doesnt. (Image source: www.nytimes.com)
I’ve hardly slept the past two nights, and my ulcer has really been acting up, because I’ve been so worried about having lost the approval of Max Hall, who informed me publicly last Saturday night that he hates me.
I mean, really, it has been a terrible past two days.
But no more. Thankfully, I just found out that he issued a public apology. That makes everything all better! I’m not fretting anymore!
I have a link to his apology on ESPN.com. But really, don’t feel like you have to go there to read it. I’m happy to summarize it for you. Here’s the basic gist of it:
I made a lot of comments last Saturday night that I sincerely meant. But I now realize that saying those things is making me look bad, and lots of people are saying more mean things about me on the internet, which really hurts my feelings.
Even worse, I’m afraid that the Mountain West is going to suspend me from playing our bowl game, and since I’m a senior that means I wouldn’t get to play my last game. Although I didn’t actually make us lose the game to Utah, I played pretty poorly and I’d like to play one more time. And it would really make me sad if I had to miss our bowl game my senior year. Because that is probably the last football game I’ll play in my life, because the odds of me getting drafted are like a snowflake’s chance in, uh, the underworld.
So, even though I’ve had a whole year to sort out my feelings, I hope you will please believe that I didn’t mean anything I said, and that I think Utah is really the upper crust, the best of the best. What?! What do you mean, why am I rolling my eyes when I say that?! Why won’t anyone believe me!? I hate you guys!
Sorry, I didn’t mean that. Please let me play in the bowl game. I will say anything you tell me to, even if I don’t really mean it, as long as I get to play.
Yeah, that about sums it up.
