Seeping Matter

Today during lunch I listened to the press conference at BYU where they formally announced their plans to unaffiliate themselves from the Mountain West Conference.  Tom Holmoe, BYU athletic director, did most of the talking.

Since I realize there are hundreds of thousands of you loyal readers who probably did not catch the press conference, I will summarize it for you.  Understand, sometimes Tom didn’t do a very good job of saying what he really meant to say, so I might paraphrase a bit.

Holmoe:  “Let me cut to the chase.  With the University of Utah leaving the Mountain West for the PAC 10, or 12, whatever, we were pretty stoked because we thought that finally now we would have a chance at being second in the conference.  Then Boise State came into the Mountain West, and frankly, they scare the poo-poos right out of us.  So we are announcing today that, starting in 2011, BYU football will be independent.  I mean, it’s worked well for Notre Dame, so it should work for us too.”

Press:  “What about TV coverage?”

Holmoe:  “Since USC totally hosed themselves ESPN has looking for another overrated football team to make a really big deal out of.  They’ve chosen BYU, and we are really excited about that.  Really excited and happy.  Happily excited.”

Press:  “What motivated you to make this decision?”

Holmoe:  “The primary reason for us to do this is exposure.  For some reason we agreed to an exclusivity deal with The Mtn network a few years ago and hardly anyone can see our games on TV even if they live in Utah.  Now we will have all our home games broadcast on ESPN and will have rights to rebroadcast all of our games on BYU TV.  Since our games will be seen by a much larger audience, the broadcasting rights will be worth a fortune and we’ll be able to attract big-name schools to play us because of the revenue they can get.  And we won’t have to share the revenue with our conference either.  So, each game will be televised, to a larger nationwide audience, with big-name schools playing us, so that’s a lot more money, tons of money.”

Press:  “Uh, I thought the primary reason was for exposure, not money.”

Holmoe:  “That’s correct.”

Press:  “But it seems quite clear that you are excited about all the money.”

Holmoe:  “Well, as you know, being a private faith-based institution we hold our students to a much higher honor code standard than most other universities.  And, as you might also know, our football players are pretty much the same as they are at any other school.  That means we have a high incidence of honor code violations here.  Having all of that money should, uh, help to alleviate that situation, if you know what I mean.”

Press:  “We don’t know what you mean.”

Holmoe:  “Well, let’s just say that sometimes, a person might feel like a football player has violated the honor code in a way that is negative towards that person, whereas if that person was a bit better off financially, they might be able to better understand that, no, that really wasn’t an honor code violation per se.  I’m just speaking hypothetically here, but I think you understand where I’m coming from.”

Press:  “What about your other sports?”

Holmoe:  “Our other sports will be playing in the West Coast Conference.  They have several advantages for us.  They are nearby.  Their schools are all faith-based institutions like ours.  They are so small and desperate that they would accommodate our playing schedule which excludes Sundays and General Conference weekends.  And USU is not in that conference.”

Press:  “But, couldn’t USU be invited into that conference?  I mean, being faith-based isn’t a strict requirement for the WCC.”

Holmoe:  “Based on, er, conversations we’ve had with the WCC, I don’t foresee that happening.  Ever.  Or at least as long as BYU is in the WCC.  We plan to hold them down, I mean, play in a different conference from them, as long as possible.”

Press:  “How long has this deal been in the works?”

Holmoe:  “We’ve been working on this for several years now, at least the past five years we’ve been working on it, trying to figure out how to get BYU into a BCS game through some other means than raw merit.  This deal should help with the money, or exposure, we need to do that.  You know, the way USC did all those years.”

Press:  “But, we thought this was primarily a reaction to Utah leaving the MWC, Boise State being invited into the MWC, and BYU not getting invited to the PAC-10 or the Big XII.”

Holmoe:  “That’s correct.”

Press:  “But you just now said you’ve been working on this for several years.  What gives?”

Holmoe:  “We have ways of, uh, knowing what the future holds.”

Press:  “You mentioned the deal with ESPN.”

Holmoe:  “We’re really happy and excited about that.”

Press:  “Yes, you said that.  But ESPN has lots of channels in their network; is it contracted which of the ESPN network channels you will be on?”

Holmoe:  (silence)

Press:  “So, do you know which ESPN channels you will be playing on?”

Holmoe:  “Well, which channels do they have?”

Press:  “Well, ABC, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN U, ESPN 3, ESPN ‘El Ocho’, for example.”

Holmoe:  “Well, I would imagine ABC, pretty much all the time…”

(looks at the ESPN guy who is shaking his head)

Holmoe:  “Well, maybe not ALL the time…”

(ESPN guy is still shaking his head)

Holmoe:  “Well, I think ‘El Ocho’ is guaranteed, and the other channels based on merit, you know, if we are playing really well, and there aren’t any other games to show then…”

(ESPN guy nods head)

Holmoe:  “Yeah, something like that.  But probably mostly ABC or ESPN.  Or SpeedTV.”

Press:  “So, now that you are independent and Utah is in the PAC-10, who is your big rival?  USU?”

Holmoe:  “No.  Not USU.  Absolutely not that despicable USU.  Probably Notre Dame, they are our big rival now.”

Press:  “But they don’t really consider you a big rival.”

Holmoe:  “Oh, they are.  You will see.”

_{Note:  Holmoe did not actually say any of these things, in case anyone is wondering. In particular, if Holmoe’s attorney is wondering.}

matt Sports College Football, Humor

So, before the voting finishes today, I have to make my case for who should take the Heisman Trophy.  Because obviously, what I have to say on the matter is critically important to all the voters.

Actually, considering how influential my opinion is, it is really surprising they don’t just let me vote.

Anyway, the Heisman Trophy is supposed to be awarded annually to college football’s most outstanding player.  It isn’t meant to be a career award.  It isn’t meant to be for the best quarterback, running back, or even offensive player, although it is usually awarded this way.  It isn’t meant to go to the best player playing for one of the country’s top teams.

It is meant to go to the most outstanding player, period.  I read that to mean the player that stands out the most among his teammates and among those he plays.  I interpret that as the player who has the most amount of impact on whether his team wins or loses.  I understand that to mean a person who not only fills his role but redefines his role and makes people better around him.

And I think it should be someone who does this consistently, every down, every play.  When it seems like there is no way to compete, this person finds a way to compete and win and gives life to his team.  When the chips are down and the competition is at its strongest, this person plays even better than they normally do.  In other words, the effect of competition on this person is that it magnifies his strengths, instead of exposing his weaknesses.

One other thing.  Quarterbacks have a distinct unfair advantage in this process.  Unlike many other positions, quarterbacks tend to play in, and be involved in, pretty much every play on their side of the ball.  Voters should consider this and try to mitigate the differences when voting.  Like I said, it shouldn’t be a “best QB” award.

I didn’t watch Nebraska play much this year.  But I did watch Texas play on a number of occasions, with their own deserving Heisman Trophy candidate QB, Colt McCoy.  In every game of theirs I saw, McCoy was outstanding.  He’s a great passer, very efficient, careful with the ball, explosive on offense.  Texas averaged 43 points per game through their season.

That is, up until they played Nebraska.  Nebraska’s defense made Texas look like a nothing school.  They completely shut their offense down.  If it weren’t for a few seconds of mental lapse by the special teams at the end of the game, Nebraska would have won that game.

Ndamukong Suh, Nebraska’s outstanding defensive lineman, was the dominant player of the game.  Not Colt McCoy.  It was Suh who most affected the play of the other team.  In a big game, it was Suh who elevated the level of his play; McCoy’s level of play was at the worst of the whole season.

Against a national championship title contender, Ndamukong Suh was, as I understand he was all season, the most outstanding player.

Unfortunately, I don’t think Suh will win the Heisman.  He should, but there’s too much stacked against him.  He’s a defensive player, for one thing; only one defensive player has ever won the Heisman.  And there’s a lot of sentiment for him to overcome.

How do you not give the Heisman to Tim Tebow?  He could be only the second two-time Heisman Trophy winner!  He serves “missions” every summer!

How do you not give the Heisman to Mark Ingram?  Alabama has unbelievably never produced a Heisman Trophy winner before!  His team is undefeated!

How do you not give the Heisman to Colt McCoy?  His team is also undefeated!  He posted some of the most incredible stats of any QB this season against Big 12 competition!

Easy.

First off, let’s just get Tebow out of the way.  I appreciate the kind of man Tim Tebow is.  I like him.  He’s polite, he’s a great leader, he sincerely seems like a good guy, and he plays his guts out.  But this was not his best season at Florida, and when his team needed him most, like against Alabama, he let them down.  He was not the most outstanding player in the SEC or arguably even on Florida’s team, let alone in the whole NCAA.

(While we’re at it, let’s address this “mission” thing.  I greatly respect the fact that Tebow takes time from his off-season to travel around the world, serving and speaking to people less fortunate than himself.  I think he’s sincere in his desire to help others.  It’s really awesome.  But, let’s be serious:  It isn’t a mission.  He isn’t really sacrificing that much.  I know, because I served one.  I gave up everything — friends, family, girls, music, television, movies, sports, school, hobbies, everything — to work over 80 hours a week for two straight years on my own dime serving people in a foreign country.  Not one week here or there when there’s nothing better to do.  What Tebow has done and continues to do is outstanding, noteworthy and worth emulating, but he’s not really sacrificing anything major, and it isn’t really a mission.  Glad we could clear that up.)

Colt McCoy has been a great quarterback this season, that is for sure.  Of course, Texas offensive coordinator Greg Davis’ style of offense combined with a great supporting cast (e.g. Jordan Shipley among others) certainly helps to prop up those amazing stats.  Unlike Tebow, I think McCoy has a future as an NFL quarterback.  But, like Tebow, when it mattered most this year, McCoy couldn’t elevate his game and help his team win.  That’s not outstanding either.

Mark Ingram is a great running back.  I love watching him play.  He’s my kind of running back, one who doesn’t waste a lot of time dancing around, but instead just finds a hole and heads upfield.  He never gives up on a play until the defense forces him to give up.  But Mark Ingram isn’t the best running back in the country, so I don’t know how he should deserve the Heisman.

The best running back in the country is Stanford’s Toby Gerhart.  He’s the guy that played best against the toughest competition, racking up some of his best games in upsets of Oregon and USC (oh thank heaven for that).  Still, I don’t think any of these other four had a greater impact on the performance of their team as well as their opponents as Suh did.

So, all you voters who read my blog regularly, ignore your biases and go with your gut.  Give the Heisman to Suh, who is certainly the NCAA’s most outstanding player.  If you aren’t going to do that, give it to Toby Gerhart, the nation’s best running back, or Mark Ingram if you just can’t stand the fact that Alabama has never had a Heisman Trophy winner.  At least Ingram continued to play well even against tough competition.

If you can’t ignore your QB biases, then I guess give the award to McCoy.  He certainly deserves it more than Tebow does.

Or, take the safe route.  Give your vote to the golden boy with that million dollar grin.  Let Tebow become only the second two-time Heisman Trophy winner.

Just don’t be surprised in a few years when people are talking about the 2009 season as yet another time when the Heisman was given to another NFL flameout, and also the season when up-and-coming NFL MVP candidate Ndamukong Suh was snubbed in the Heisman voting.

matt Sports College Football

Now that the bowl game matchups have been set, it is time for my annual feature of picking the winners of the bowl games.  I do this because for some people who read this blog, if I don’t give them a chance to ridicule me in public, they have nothing to say to me at all.

Also, last year I correctly picked 11 winners out of 18 bowl games that I picked for.  Of course, one of those was the Toilet Bowl, and I always get that one right.  A cynical friend of mine said that I did hardly better than you could expect from someone just picking the winners at random.

What do you think I’m doing?  Sheesh.

So, here you go.

There you go.  Fire at will.

matt Sports College Football

It’s that holiday time of year again.  I can tell, because I have to park my Z for the next few months because of the dumb old snow.  I’m being pressured to spend money on things my family does not need, and even worse, to allow people in my family to spend money on things for me that I don’t need.  And the powers-that-be of college football have yet again managed to screw up an otherwise excellent season.

I don’t really mind much, anymore.  I mean, I wish they would come up with a championship that would actually make sense, I really do.  But, as I’ve already explained why a playoff won’t work, I’ve given up all hope of them ever fixing it.  I figure they have also, because they keep on coming back with those same old arguments that try in vain to justify their position.

Just accept it.  Accept it, and be grateful for something to complain about to all your friends.  That’s what I’ve done.  I’ve made complaining about the BCS a part of my annual holiday traditions.

In fact, this is a very great idea.  Normally I would grumble and complain about the holiday season because it is so freakin’ expensive for no good reason.  This usually gets me in trouble with my wife, who says I need to not be such a humbug.  But now, I realize I can always blame it on the BCS.  I can confidently rely upon them to screw up every single winter, and now I can blame my grumpiness on them:

My Wife:  ”Will you help me put up the Christmas lights?”

Me:  ”I hate the dumb Christmas lights.  How about let’s just let the neighbors put up their Christmas lights, and we’ll just look at theirs.  They’ll appreciate it because if we don’t put ours up, people will notice theirs more.”

My Wife:  ”Why are you such a humbug?  You make Christmas miserable for the whole family.”

See, before, I would be in trouble at this point.  BUT NOW, I can say:

Me:  ”Sorry, honey.  It’s the BCS.  Of course, they ruined the college football post-season again, and it is really bringing me down.”

My Wife:  ”Oh, right.  Of course.  I can see why you are so upset.  Here, why don’t you let me make you some chocolate chip cookies?”

See how much better that works?

Of course, the main thing to gripe about this year is not just that neither TCU nor Boise State got a chance to play for the national championship game, despite both teams going undefeated all season.  The main thing to gripe about is that the BCS pitted TCU against Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl, appeasing both teams in principle by giving both a BCS birth, but violating the spirit of it all by having them play each other.  We’ll never know how good TCU or Boise State is this year.  All year we hope one of these mid-major teams will make it to a BCS game just to see how they fare against the big boys.  I guess the BCS schools have had enough of getting their hats handed to them by the mid-majors, so they thought they’d make everyone happy this way.

Well it didn’t work.  Thanks BCS, for saving me again.

Cincinnati has a gripe too, although considering that they just barely beat Pitt last week I’m not sure they are all that good either.  But if they beat Florida, you know Cincinnati will claim co-championship honors, the same way Auburn did a few years ago when they went undefeated but didn’t get to play for the national title.

Oh well.  It’s not all bad.  How so?  Well, USC is playing in the Emerald Bowl, for one thing.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

matt Sports College Football, Humor

They don’t actually give out this award, but I have to wonder if they did give an award to the most improved football team in all of college football, if it wouldn’t go to the USU Aggies.

Consider:  Two years ago, they showed infinite improvement over the previous year when they won one game instead of winning zero.  Last year they slowed down a bit, but still showed 100% improvement by winning two games instead of one.  And this year they stayed on pace, improving by 100% again and winning four games instead of just two.  This stellar improvement has, among other things, moved them into the top 100 NCAA football teams!

Can your favorite football team say they have won twice as many games this year as they did last year?  And can they say they’ve done that twice in a row?  Consider:  At this rate, in 2011 USU will actually win more games than they actually play.

If that doesn’t earn them a BCS title, I don’t know what will.  I can’t wait.

matt Sports College Football, Humor

Max Hall. He hates you. No, he doesnt. (Image source: www.nytimes.com)

I’ve hardly slept the past two nights, and my ulcer has really been acting up, because I’ve been so worried about having lost the approval of Max Hall, who informed me publicly last Saturday night that he hates me.

I mean, really, it has been a terrible past two days.

But no more.  Thankfully, I just found out that he issued a public apology.  That makes everything all better!  I’m not fretting anymore!

I have a link to his apology on ESPN.com.  But really, don’t feel like you have to go there to read it.  I’m happy to summarize it for you.  Here’s the basic gist of it:

I made a lot of comments last Saturday night that I sincerely meant.  But I now realize that saying those things is making me look bad, and lots of people are saying more mean things about me on the internet, which really hurts my feelings.

Even worse, I’m afraid that the Mountain West is going to suspend me from playing our bowl game, and since I’m a senior that means I wouldn’t get to play my last game.  Although I didn’t actually make us lose the game to Utah, I played pretty poorly and I’d like to play one more time.  And it would really make me sad if I had to miss our bowl game my senior year.  Because that is probably the last football game I’ll play in my life, because the odds of me getting drafted are like a snowflake’s chance in, uh, the underworld.

So, even though I’ve had a whole year to sort out my feelings, I hope you will please believe that I didn’t mean anything I said, and that I think Utah is really the upper crust, the best of the best.  What?!  What do you mean, why am I rolling my eyes when I say that?!  Why won’t anyone believe me!?  I hate you guys!

Sorry, I didn’t mean that.  Please let me play in the bowl game.  I will say anything you tell me to, even if I don’t really mean it, as long as I get to play.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

matt Sports College Football

Well, rivalry week is over.  Actually, some of the rivalry games (e.g. Michigan-Ohio State) were last week, and some (e.g. Oregon-Oregon State) aren’t until next week.  But this was the big week, and there were some great rivalry games played.

Also, BYU and Utah played.  Around these parts people think it is a big deal.  That’s mostly because they don’t ever watch any other college football games.  These are the same people who, every year, think that this year is the year BYU will win the national title.

Yes.  They are delusional.

Anyway, BYU won the game, like it matters.  Sorry to rain on the parade, but these are also-rans in the Mountain West after all.  Don’t blame me, it isn’t my system.

So in the post-game press conference, they asked BYU QB Max Hall how much the win meant to him, and he proceeded to explain that he hates the U of U football team. No, wait:  all the U of U students.  No, wait:  the whole University of Utah.  No, wait:  every person, anywhere on earth, who has ever cheered against BYU, or who has ever said or done anything against Max Hall’s family that he didn’t like, or who has ever said anything negative or even questionable about Max Hall, ever, or anyone who might at any time in the future suggest anything but the most esteemed or complimentary thoughts in his regard, or who might ever even dare to take the the parking spot that his mom might wish to have at the grocery store.

Yes.  He hates — HATES — all of these people.

So I guess he probably hates me too.  This really has me distraught.  I mean, how can I go on?  Max Hall hates me?!?  And I’ve so been wanting to achieve his approval!

Alright, so I exaggerated a bit.  Hey, it’s my blog, so I can do whatever I like, including change the tone of my blog post from humor to the straight dope.

So here’s the straight dope:  Max Hall, if you want to know why I, a member of the LDS faith, just can’t bring myself to be a full-fledged BYU fan, look no further than the end of your nose, buddy.

Yes, it was a rivalry game.  Yes, BYU lost to Utah last year in large part due to Hall’s mistakes.  Yes, his family was poorly treated after the game last year.  And yes, when it all comes down to it, Hall is a just a mid-20s kid letting off some steam at the end of an emotional football game.

Doesn’t matter to me.

I realize that his behavior wasn’t that much beyond expectation of any other fairly high-profile player on any other fairly high-profile college team.  The problem is, that is just not good enough for me.

It isn’t that I think my religion is better than any other.  It is that it represents me personally.  BYU, and the players that play for that school, and the fans of those teams and players, represent me.  And I’ve been disappointed too many times by players and fans when they have behaved in ways that are not consistent with what I believe.

Hall’s remarks are just the latest in the line.  When he says he hates the University of Utah, their fans, and their players, well, that’s just not in line with what I believe at all.  When he explained that it was in part due to how his family was treated last year, well, my faith teaches that I’m supposed to forgive others, not hold grudges.  When he judges the whole University of Utah, their players, and their entire fanbase based on the actions of a few people, well, that differs from when I was taught to first worry about the beam in my own eye before worrying about the mote in someone else’s.

In short, despite the fact that BYU is supported by the LDS church, it’s just often enough that their players and fans don’t represent my beliefs that I just can’t consider myself a true fan.

Don’t hate me, Max.

matt Sports College Football, Humor

Some of you who read this blog a lot are just now checking to make sure you haven’t accidentally gone to the wrong website by mistake.

I’m no fan of the BCS.  I’m not a missionary proselyting for the anti-BCS religion, mind you, I just don’t really care for the BCS.  If we’ve learned anything over the past five years or so, it is that the good mid-major teams are definitely good enough to compete against and defeat the best that the BCS conferences are willing to send their way.  The only thing we don’t know is just how good those teams really were, because they never get a chance to play for the title.

And it will happen this year also.  TCU and Boise State will probably finish their regular seasons undefeated, but it is unlikely that they will both even get a BCS bowl invite, much less have any chance to play for the title.  TCU, for example, probably will need three of Florida, Alabama, Texas, and Cincinnati to lose a game before they have a chance.  Even then, it is probably a long shot.

So this is about the time that people say, “What we need is a tournament, just like they do in basketball, which is awesome.”

It is true that the NCAA basketball tournament is awesome.  One of the best in all of sports.  But it isn’t true that they should have a football tournament.  It’s a bad idea logistically and economically.

To explain this, consider the current bowl schedule.  This year there are 34 bowl games scheduled, starting December 19 and finishing on January 7.  Usually when people think of having a tournament, the idea is, why not just take the existing games and make them into a tournament instead?

It takes 31 games to play through a complete single-elimination tournament with a field of 32 teams.  So 34 bowl games could support a 32-team tournament, with a few extras thrown about.  This is a logistical problem, though, because football is such a demanding sport.  A team can’t really play more than one game in a week.  So you’d need five weekends, or about one month, to complete the schedule.  To finish by January 7, you’d have to start about December 10.

That’s a bit longer, but feasible.  What isn’t so feasible is adding another five games to the champion’s schedule.  That’s a pretty long football season for guys that are still trying to finish college.

But even if we could work through all of that, the tournament is still not such a good idea, for economic reasons.  It isn’t that people wouldn’t be interested in a tournament — they would.

One problem is that although the tournament promises to be more decisive and less controversial in determining a champion, it bowl-going opportunity for fewer teams.  Currently, with a 34 game schedule, 68 teams will get a chance to attend a bowl game.  That’s 68 teams with fans who are thrilled to follow their team to a their bowl game and cheer them to victory.

Compare that to a 32-team tournament.  First off, 36 teams that would otherwise have attended a bowl game are being left out.  Those teams don’t get the bowl game money.  And many of their fans now won’t be attending a bowl game, fans that might have attended one otherwise.  All in all, that means potentially fewer people attending the games.

Fewer attendees for almost the same number of games.

This attendance problem is compounded by the fact that some teams will be playing multiple games — five games, for those in the championship.  If you are a fan of USC, you of course are arrogant and delusional, as are pretty much all USC fans.  Therefore, you surely think you will compete for the title.  If you can only afford to go to one game, you’ll certainly wait to go to the final game.  And since USC is not nearly as good as you think they are, you’ll end up missing the game altogether.

And you won’t be the only one.  Certainly a large number of people who would have gone to their team’s bowl game in the current system would miss it in the tournament, even if their team makes it to the tournament, because in trying to wait until the big games they miss their team altogether when they are upset in early rounds.

It took me a long time to understand this, but I think now I understand why they keep saying that a tournament won’t work.  Even if you can get past the logistical problems, the economics are just not nearly so good.  Ironically, it is better for the mid-pack teams, and not just the top teams, if we stay with the current system.  Even though the mid-majors don’t have much of a chance to win the title in the current system, it does a better job of giving them bowl money than a tournament would.

So although the BCS is still lame, it is still better for us than a tournament.  Besides, if we get rid of the BCS, what will I complain about each year?

matt Sports College Football

I love watching SEC football, but I must admit I can’t stand LSU.  The main reason, in fact I think the only real reason, is because of Les Miles, the head coach.  I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve watched LSU get totally outplayed throughout the duration of a game only to end up winning on some combination of luck, luck, and dumb luck.  However, even this is okay, I guess.  But then they interview coach Miles at the end of the game, and he proceeds to explain just what an incredible football team they are, and how they had everything totally in control and that things worked out exactly like he planned it.

So, pretty much every time LSU loses, I’m happy about it.  That included last weekend’s game with Ole Miss.  Seeing Ole Miss win the game was excellent.  The fact that, by winning, Ole Miss supplanted LSU as the second-ranked team in the SEC West was even better.  But the best of all was watching LSU completely fail to call their final timeout in a timely fashion, wasting some ten to twelve precious seconds off the clock, only to actually get a first down on 4th and 26 with one second remaining on the clock, and then cap it off by squandering their chance at victory by trying to spike the ball on what would obviously be the final play of the game.

That’s exactly what they did.  Apparently, Les Miles’ ego is so enormous that he thinks the laws of physics and even the nature of time itself does not apply to him or his team.  You can see him after the game complaining that his play to spike the ball took the final second off the clock, but he should have nobody to blame but his own arrogant self.

He obviously disagrees, though.  In the post-game press conference, he was more than happy to pin the loss squarely upon the shoulders of his sophomore quarterback, even though this video quite clearly shows Miles frantically calling for the spike and the quarterback incredulously and blindly following orders.

Hey LSU, I’d be happy to come and coach the team instead.  You could pay me a much lower salary than his $3.75 million, and I can almost assure you I wouldn’t be so boneheaded as to let that opportunity pass away without at least trying for victory, nor would I be so low as to try to defer blame away from myself and pin it upon a player.

I couldn’t be more pleased.  It’s about time he had to pay for his arrogance.

matt Sports College Football

Ah, the opportunities for metaphor-speak, puns, and double entendres abound.  I’ll try to keep it straight here.  Try not to read between the lines.  I mean it.

Notre Dame is one of the most successful college football franchises in history, although recent years would make you wonder how it could have ever been so great.  Once as lofty a program as a gargoyle perched atop a cathedral, Notre Dame has fallen harder and faster than the priest Frollo did after being pushed by Quasimodo.  (I couldn’t help it.)

Charlie Weis should have been the savior of the franchise.  Indeed, in his first year it seemed so obvious that he was an excellent, even fortunate, choice that they extended his contract ten years.  And then the bottom fell out.

So now we’re about halfway through that contract, but it seems pretty apparent that Notre Dame is going to buy Weis out and go hunting again.  The common rumor is that Florida coach Urban Meyer heads the shortlist for Notre Dame.

Urban has previously said that coaching Notre Dame would be his dream job.  Wait — when did I last hear him say that?  Oh yeah.  It was the same year Notre Dame hired Charlie Weis instead, and Meyer went to Florida.  Since then, Florida has won two national titles, and Notre Dame  has fallen out of the polls.

Florida has been a great team for decades, but they are an absolute football dynasty right now.  Notre Dame is a mid-pack team with troubles.  I can’t imagine things getting any better for Meyer than they are right now.  There’s no way he should leave Florida for Notre Dame.  No way.

Plus, I like Florida, and Urban Meyer.  So this might ruin a good thing for me.

I have a great idea:  Notre Dame, hire Les Miles.  Or Pete Carroll.  I want to like LSU and USC, but I can’t like them because I can’t stand those coaches.  Moving one of them to Notre Dame would help me like college football better.  This is a much better idea.

matt Sports College Football