Girl:  “I thought we were going to a costume party.”

Phil:  “It’s like I said, I love this film.  I’ve seen it over 100 times.”

Girl (protesting):  “Phil!”

Phil:  “I told you, call me Bronco.”

Girl:  “Sorry, Bronco.”

And ever since that day my friend Brandon has insisted that we, too, call him Bronco.  I think it is because he also has seen Heidi 2 over 100 times.

Anyway, this post is not about my friend Brandon, or about the movie Groundhog Day.

It’s about my new Ford Bronco II.  It is one sweet ride.

Project Bronco II

I found this a couple of weeks after the quest began, which was labeled as a Ranger quest, but I did also say I would consider a Bronco II.  Bronco IIs are, in some ways, better (more seating, more weight over the rear wheels) and in some ways worse (much harder to haul a load of gravel).  But this one met most of my primary criteria:

• It runs, pretty well actually
• Has working four-wheel drive
• Is not completely gutless (just somewhat gutless)
• It needs some work but is not a complete pile
• It has a fuel-injected 2.9L V6
• It cost $1500 exactly, so it met the requirement of being “no more than $1500″ just barely.

Getting it to pass inspection was a bit of a shocker, it cost more than I thought it would.  Minor fail.  And there’s a lot of work left to be done on this to even get it to looking decent, let alone being awesome.  But I can envision this thing, with a 4.0L V6 or 302 swapped in, a bit of a lift, slightly larger wheels and tires, painted bright orange.

We’ll see.

It was fun, too, even if none of us won anything.  It was fun just being there with my dad and brother and having people walk by and wonder why I parked my 350Z there.

My 2003 Nissan 350Z, looking her best.

Here’s my car parked in between my brother’s Mustang (background) and my dad’s Econoline (not pictured).  I washed and vacuumed and scrubbed and detailed that car for about three hours before the show, and I must say it looked really fine.  Oddly, right after the show ended, it rained for about 30 seconds, just long enough to get my car dirty again.  Oh well.

My dads 1961 Ford Econoline van

Dad just started working on this 1961 Ford Econoline van. It is pretty sweet. I love the all white paint with the black accents and the very subtle gray pinstripe all around. He’s got a 302 in the doghouse inside the van and plans to redo the interior next.

The story on those wheels is pretty cool. He was looking for those exact wheels by American Racing, Torq Thrust IIs, and looked all over for the sizes he needed (two different sizes, front and rear). The fronts, 14x6s, were nearly impossible to find. Then he called one place who just happened to have two of them left, along with six of the size he needed for the rears. So he took two of each, and the dealer was thrilled to get rid of his two 14x6s and even himself out with four remaining of the other size.

My brothers 2009 Mustang GT, my 350Z, and my dads Econoline

In the foreground is my brother’s 2009 Ford Mustang GT. He’s added a Roush bodykit and Shelby Super Snake wheels and a lowered suspension so far. He wonders if it is weird to have Shelby wheels and a Roush body kit, but I think it is cool to make your own Mustang that has your favorite components from each builder.

Original Roosevelt City Fire Truck

My dad is mayor of Roosevelt, so I went with him to drive this to the show. If you lived more than a half mile from the fire department and had a fire back then, there was really no point in calling the fire department. It’s a neat truck though.

Early 30s Ford Coupe

I want to say this is a ’32 Ford but I’m really not sure. I do know it belongs to my dad’s friend Mike Mahoney, who has like 30 cars.

Another early 30s Ford Coupe

Another Ford coupe, ’31 or ’32 (I really should learn to tell the difference). This one belongs to another of my dad’s friends, Dennis Peterson. Dennis restored this car himself, repairing all the rust and pounding out all the dents and smoothing out the whole body by hand. He is incredibly talented. He also did all the body work on my dad’s Econoline and is currently working on another project which will be pretty awesome when it is done.

Early 70s Dodge Dart

When Dad and I brought the fire truck into the show we followed this ’70 or ’71 (again, can’t remember) Dodge Dart. I wondered to myself if it belonged to my cousin Joe Gardner. I was right. As long as I can remember Joe has restored a number of really cool Mopar cars – Chargers, Challengers, Darts, Superbees, etc.

Award-winner for Best of 80s and Newer

This mostly stock gray 2007 Mustang GT beat my brother’s 2009 Mustang GT somehow, which goes to show that the people who judge the shows don’t always know what they are doing. I mean, it’s a nice looking Mustang, but doesn’t have nearly as much done to it as my brother’s does.

White 3DCarbon Mustang GT

If any Mustang there was better than my brother’s, it was this white 3DCarbon Mustang pictured here.

Award-winning 30s Ford Coupe

This blue ’31 or ’32 Ford coupe won some award, maybe for best 30′s car? Or most unique? Can’t remember. Take a look at this engine though, for a clue as to why:

Now that is a sweet engine.

Flathead Offenhauser

The roadster carrying this sweet litttle Offy won Best In-Progress Car. Which seems kinda like a weird award, since pretty much all the cars there would be considered “in-progress.”

Beautiful 50s Chevy

This is a beautiful car. Look carefully and you can see the well-done ghosted flames along the side. It won Best 50s Car and, since the owner drove it all the way from Riverside, California, it also won an award for furthest distance traveled to attend the show.

Best Of Show 2010 - 1937 Ford Coupe

This 1937 Ford Coupe from Vernal, Utah won Best Of Show and definitely deserved it. Which is much better than the week before, at another car show in Vernal, where this car was beaten for Best Of Show by a bone-stock straight-off-the-showroom-floor 2010 Camaro. This car is a beautiful work of art from every angle and no detail is left undone.

Just check out the beautifully done interior:

1937 Ford Coupe custom interior

1931 Ford Vicky

This beautiful chopped and dropped ’31 Ford Vicky had to sit next to the ’37 Ford above, so it had a rough go. It definitely deserved to win something, so I’m glad my dad chose to give it the Mayor’s Choice award.

It looks like my 1998 Kawasaki KX 250 will belong to someone else tomorrow.  I bought that bike, worn and beaten, six years ago.  I brought it into my garage, took it apart, cleaned it, painted it, put new graphics and a new seat cover on it, gave it a new rear race tire, had the forks rebuilt by Pro-Action, and gave it a new Renthal rear sprocket.

This, my friends, is how you show your motorcycle just how much you love it.

I’ve loved every minute I’ve ridden it.  I love that rush of adrenaline I feel when you kick the engine to life and you feel the motor revving beneath you.  I love the awesome power as you launch off the line and the pull you feel in your arms as you climb through the gears and that amazing 250cc two-stroke powerband.  I love that feeling of soaring high above the ground (where “high” means “a multitude of inches”).  I even forgive my bike for that time I was trying to learn to double-jump and instead I broke my collarbone.

If any girls read my blog they probably think this is so dumb.  And to that, I say this:  I had a fair number of girlfriends when I was single, but when I found one that I felt this strongly about, I married her.  And if that doesn’t show you up, well, I don’t even know what I meant by that.

Seriously, I really wish I could keep it.  Maybe someday, when my career doesn’t require every spare minute of my time and investments of large sums of money in laptops, maybe then I can have another one.

Until then, there’s a part of me that will be dead.  There’s a part of me that will ache every time I watch motocross or supercross racing live or on TV.  There’s a part of me that will feel like I sold my soul in order to try to move my career forward, and that part will let me know how disappointed it is with me for the rest of my life, especially if I fail.

It will definitely be a bittersweet memory.  Like the CRX, I’ll love it forever.  And I don’t care if you think that is stupid.

So, for posterity’s sake, here’s some pictures to remember my baby by:

Catching tons of air at Bunker Hill Raceway in Delta, 2004-ish.

I love this picture.

Answering difficult questions is one of the main things that great video games do.

As far as I’m concerned, a great video game is supposed to allow you to make virtual people do things that you would never do personally in real life.  By this I don’t just mean “fight aliens” either.  I also mean things like “fight aliens using only a chainsaw.”  Fighting aliens using only a chainsaw is not a recommended activity for a living person, because the aliens are likely to shoot you with too many fireballs before you can get close enough to saw them.  But I think it is a great thing for a virtual person to do.

Some people disagree with this assertion.  They want video games to resemble actual life.  These are the kind of people who do not have a real life and so they obtain a Second Life.  They grade games based on how “realistic” they are.

Not me.  The point of playing a video game is to escape reality, not create more reality.  The point of playing a video game is to answer difficult questions, the kind that cannot be answered in reality.

Here are some very key questions that, thanks to video games, we have the answers to:

• Is it possible to obtain victory in a military conflict without actually harvesting any vespene gas or training any combat units?
  • Answer:  Yes — at least if you are a Protoss.  Simply build a forge and then overwhelm the enemy with a plethora of photon cannons.  (StarCraft)
• What do you do when a new neighbor moves in next door, paints the entire house black, and goes about the neighborhood wearing a black fisherman’s poncho and sporting a handheld fish hook, looking eerily exactly like the villain in “I Know What You Did Last Summer”?
  • Answer:  You walk over, greet him, and invite yourself inside.  (The Sims)
• What happens when you run into oncoming traffic in a firetruck going around 80 mph?
  • Answer:  Most cars go flying out of your way.  (Grand Theft Auto 3)
• Can Chad Reed win Glen Helen on my KX 250?
  • Answer:  Yes; in fact, he has done so in convincing fashion many times, despite some pretty wicked crashes.  (Motocross Madness 2)
• What is the shortest possible street circuit of any consequence that you can have in London?
  • Answer:  Start in front of the National Gallery.  Drive as fast as you can around Trafalgar Square, back in front of the National Gallery again.  This circuit is known as “Tinier Tim.”  (Project Gotham Racing 3)

I’ve said before, and reaffirm here, that some characteristics of good computer games are to a) allow user generated content and b) allow you to play the game in an alternate way.  These traits, along with c) CHEAT CODES, are very helpful if a video game is going to help answer difficult questions.  As examples, consider the Project Gotham Racing series.  PGR3 includes a track editor.  PGR4 does not.  So, despite having many more tracks and cars, PGR4 will never attain the level of excellentness that PGR3 has attained.  And consider The Sims, an otherwise horrible game.  But it is possible to create neighborhoods with rich coeds and mass murderers and really pathetically poor people, and then run their lives in evil, twisted, masochistic ways.  And Sim Survivor, don’t forget!  Finally, let’s not underestimate the significance of the phrase “give us a tank” to the success of Grand Theft Auto 3!

Forza Motorsport 2 is a driving simulator, and it seems pretty intent on achieving a high degree of realism.  This isn’t exactly a sin, but why would I be interested in driving a Ford Focus in a simulation?  Driving a Ford Focus cannot possibly be fun in real life; how could it be fun in virtual life?

This is a major drawback, until you start winning and earning credits.  Suddenly, you can do some fun things, like buy a virtual car that looks exactly like your real 2003 Nissan 350Z, but then add every upgrade so now your Z is a 215mph race car.

Or you can answer the question that’s been plaguing you for ages, “What would it be like to drive a 700HP blown Aston Martin V12 Vanquish in a demolition derby?”  Since, admirably, Forza Motorsport 2 allows you to drive backwards (unlike some ultra-lame racing games), you can easily answer this question for yourself.

(If you are confused, “backwards” means “around the track in the opposite direction”, which is something that is obviously awesome, not “driving in reverse”, which is something that is only arguably awesome.)

True, it lacks cheat codes and user-generated content.  I’m not allowed to really excellent things, like drive my car into the grandstands (all possible in Motocross Madness 2).  So Forza Motorsport 2 may never achieve true greatness.  But the ability to drive backwards is definitely a step in the right direction.

• AWESOME – The track.  To say that this facility is world-class is, I think, an understatement.  It is not only the best road course in North America, it is probably one of the very best in the world.
• DUMB – Utah people who do not attend.  These same people think that BYU is a national-championship-caliber football team every single year but don’t even care to come to the track to watch the best superbike racers in the entire world compete.
• AWESOME – Great attendance from out of state.  I met really cool people from California, Minnesota, and even sat next to some guys who spoke German.  Thanks for coming, and I hope to see you again next year!
• DUMB – The family that sat next to me who painted BYU logos on their kids faces before they came to the track.  Yes, really.  What the freak?  Stop it – you guys are embarrassing me!
• AWESOME – Ben Spies winning a world-record seventh pole in a row in his rookie season, and then taking the double at home.  In his rookie season, Spies has yet to NOT win pole.  Incredible.
• DUMB – Not having any racing of any consequence on Saturday.  Help me out here, people.
• AWESOME – Watching motorcycles fly by your face at 200 mph.  You don’t realize how fast this is until you watch it.  I realize you think you know.  You don’t.
• DUMB – No AMA presence.  I heard they pulled out of going to MMP at the last minute because they heard they would not be the headlining act.  Uh, AMA?  You would never be a headlining act over WorldSBK at any facility – but especially not since the freaking stupid DMG started turning it into “NASBike” (and a big shout-out to the guy from Minnesota that gave me this term, I love it).  So the AMA (DMG?) refuses to race at the best track on the circuit because WorldSBK is there the same week?  L-A-M-E.  Although, this is what we’ve come to expect from the new NASBike.  I mean, nothing else they’ve done so far makes any sense – it only stands to reason then that they’d also choose to not race at MMP, which also makes no sense.
• AWESOME – Walking through the pits and talking to the mechanics as they are making repairs to factory World Supersport bikes.
• DUMB – Waiting fifteen minutes for the shuttle to take me from the Tooele Grandstand around the track to the paddock.  I could almost walk that far in that much time, and that’s saying something, because it is a long, long way around.
• AWESOME – A killer vendor area with a really strong showing by BMW, Aprilia, and Ducati as well as Honda and Yamaha.  European sportbikes are TO DIE FOR.
• DUMB – Ducati bikini girls.  I didn’t even notice them at all, but for the record I think they are really, really dumb, and not good-looking at all, and they absolutely do not make me want to visit the Ducati tent or buy an awesome new Ducati 1098 R Baylisss Limited Edition, in case my wife reads my blog.

Now, some people, like Orrin Hatch, are beyond saving.  He is simply too dumb to be helped.  He is a lost cause and will unfortunately continue to infect other US congresspersons with Dumbness.  Our only hope here is to try to contain, minimize the damage, and hopefully quarantine these poor experienced congresspersons with Advanced Dumbness, like Senator Hatch, from the rest who may not yet be infected, or may only be experiencing Early Stage Dumbness.

Evidence of this disease abounds.  One example of such evidence is the recently enacted CPISA which, among other things, made off-highway vehicles targeted toward youth aged under 13 ILLEGAL – not because they are unsafe, but because they contain too much lead.

I do admit, there have been countless times since I bought my KX 250 5 years ago when I’ve gone out to look at it and found my children sucking on it.  I softly and gently tell them, “ARE YOU INSANE?!?  DON’T YOU KNOW THAT THING HAS LEAD IN IT?!?  ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?!?  HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO SUCK ON MY MOTORCYCLE?!?!?”  This might be why my kids tend to walk into walls and accidentally stab themselves in the eye with a fork while eating.

Nevertheless, this is no excuse for outlawing children’s off-highway vehicles.  I want freedom for myself and my children, even if it means my children are free to break into the motorcycle shed and gnaw on the exhaust pipe.  Being patriotic, I decided I should fight this disease in this case and write my congresspersons.

Here is the context of the e-mail I sent:

Dear [congressperson]:

I wish to express my concern about some of the unintended effects of CPISA that recently went into effect; namely, the restriction on youth-oriented off-highway vehicles targeted by section 101(a) of that act.

Motorcycle and ATV riding is a very popular family activity in our state, a family activity now threatened by this act.  Because of the popularity, this act will also have a very real economic impact on our state.  And speaking personally, this act threatens the sports of Motocross and Supercross, some of the fastest growing spectator sports in the country and a favorite of my father, brother, sons, and myself, because it chokes the pipeline of new talent being introduced to the sport.

While these impacts are very real to Utah, Utah is not the only state affected by this obvious oversight.  Little children do not generally bite, chew, or suck on motorcycles and ATVs, so the health risk from lead contamination to children from these vehicles is small to non-existent, and not even worth discussing.

I hope you will agree with me and do your best to have this situation addressed so that my children, and children all across the country, are free again to participate in this sport.  I look forward to hearing back from you on your success in this endeavor.

You too can help fight US Congressional Dumbness in this case.  To do so, simply go to this website of a US Congressmen who seems free of the disease and send in the form.

Yesterday was a Half Bad Day. The day before, it rained, and Greg and I know when it rains that means it is time to take the motorcycles to the sand dunes the very next day. Oh yeah, wet sand dunes and motorcycles.

Yeah, check out those awesome dunes. These are absolutely not the dunes we rode yesterday. The dunes we rode on yesterday are now covered with motorcycle tracks. Tracks that the wind will cover up, and restore the dunes to pristine riding conditions for next time.

Any day on a motorcycle is a great day, especially on pristine sand dunes.

This picture was taken at a local track. This track is a fairly easy track, with nice big berms and easy jumps. No whoops anywhere on this track. Hey, I’m not a professional racer or anything. I just want to go ride and have fun. This track is plenty challenging for me.

I haven’t ridden my bike for a few months now. Last time I went riding, we went to a different track than the one in the picture. This track is a lot more difficult, with whoops, rhythm sections, and double jumps.

It was bad timing cause I’d just come home from the US Open of Supercross in Las Vegas the weekend before. I’d spent all this time watching guys, even little kids, jumping these double jumps like it was nothing. I was thinking, “These little 8-year-old kids can do these doubles on a 50cc – I should be able to do this on my 250 no problem!”

Well, I’ll admit it – they are much better riders than I am. After clipping the front tire on the top of the second jump, I almost rode it out before I lost control and went over the top of the berm. All I really know is that I landed really hard on the back of my left shoulder, and when I got up I had a huge bump on my collarbone where there shouldn’t be one (see above). I now have a metal plate on my collarbone. Hey, sometimes it hurts to be a half bad boy.

Oh, and by the way, if you ever break your collarbone and the doctor says they can’t do anything about it, don’t believe it. That’s what my doctor said also. Then I referred myself to an orthopedic surgeon who told me they do this all the time. If I had listened to my first doctor I would have been crippled in my shoulder for life. No kidding.